You just turned 31 and that isn’t the only thing giving you a glow is it? It’s that guy that kept you awake till like 3am. Sis you need to get some sleep. You know he will still be there to chat with tomorrow right? Well, that’s if he stays! A lot of them don’t linger around long enough these days. They run away from the fear that because women your age consistently talk of the biological clock, then maybe you’ll be expecting that each month brings you closer to the ring. There’s nothing wrong with viewing relationships in the longterm lens, but you’ve got to have the right reasons backing that thought process. Don’t let the pressure of age and societal standards ruin the beauty of this moment, with this special dude.
Does he have a name? Linda tells me that you’ve been excessively secretive about him and while I’m okay with you wanting to keep your relationship private after the drama of your previous relationship, I also am a bit worried that you might be hiding the guy because you know your friends will pick up the red flags you are avoiding. You have always had that weakness.
The guy better not be married sis, or a boy young enough to call you auntie. I see a lot of women in your circle dating young boys straight out of their teens or hitting it off with married man, but that’s not what I want for the 31-year old me. Dating must be hella fun yes, but it also needs to recognise the space for cross-learning and growth. You can’t learn as much from a 19-year old boy as you you would from a more mature man. You also can’t trust a man that’s okay cheating on his wife with you, because it’s always you that’s got to deal with the empty nights when he is with his family and kids. It’s you that consistently has to reshuffle your schedule to accommodate the brief moments in his life where he can factor you in. That ain’t no fun, that’s straight trash and you don’t deserve that. Give available men the opportunity to date you, to know you, and to treat you as you must be treated, like a queen. Unless you want to settle for a relationship that merely fills your time. Don’t settle for a behind the scenes experience when you are born to be the main stage subject.
Any who, I called because I realised that after you bumped into your ex you unblocked him. That boy has the balls to disrespect you all over again. You had done well moving forward from him and I fear his return into your life might dismantle the gains of your growth from that relationship. You need to tell him to save his rhetorics because you can’t risk relapsing into that bubble of illusion that a man like him can change. Some men don’t change and your ex is one of them. Don’t give me that smile. This is why I needed to talk to you because you will always fall for his cheap charm and ridiculous promises. Look at you with those puppy eyes just at the mention of his name. Pull yourself together and don’t entertain him, you will regret it, take it from me!
Have you fixed your relationship with Basil? What’s keeping you from apologising to him because we both know you were wrong. All he did was open up about how he has felt about you over the 25 years that he has known you. Choosing to demonise his feelings just because you claim to not feel the same was shallow. He wasn’t telling you so that you all date each other. He needed you to know so that you appreciate how hard it is for him every time he has to watch a guy disrespect you. Your endless tales about the exploits you have in your forever relationships are a sting and I feel like you know that but you keep hurting him. You need to stop.
Basil has been there for you through thick and thin and that’s what best friends do. They deal with even the most trashy of your behaviours but this time you went far. Go to him and tell him that you are sorry for blaming him for your failed relationships. That whole, “the reason why my relationships have never worked out is because you sabotage them, telling my boyfriends that I don’t love them and that am wasting their time just so you can have me because best friend has loved me his entire life” was way out of line. If there is anyone that has supported your relationships it’s Basil. He has warned you about guys that didn’t have genuine interests for you, and you didn’t listen, yet he is the first person you would run to when you discovered those relationships were truly messed up. If you don’t like him back why are you so angry at him? Why are you pushing him away with these hurtful claims? You need to stop being selfish and own up to the truth of how you feel. If you like him, jump off that cliff and see where you both dating takes you. If you don’t like him, respect him enough to acknowledge that he took the initiative to be honest to you, and don’t get mad at him whenever he dates someone else. From where I stand, you are the one that sabotages his relationships but hey, I am not here to judge. Just don’t disappoint me like this, it gets hard this end of the late 30s.
Girl I could go on and on, but you really have a lot going on and it’s nothing short of chaotic. I hope you find a way of fixing it all without spilling it over to me. The late 30s are crazy enough without all the love drama you want to bring. I love you, always.
Yours,
The 38 year old you
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