“Babe, who is that guy?”
Hey. I thought because you went through my phone and chats you’d have an answer to that question. Unless you were looking for something more specific? Incriminating. Something to satisfy this gut feeling you have that I might be cheating on you. Even if that’s what you’d been looking for, what makes you think there’s something above what you saw, what you read? Are you so desperate to prove me a cheat that you can’t accept the evident fact that I’m not. Even though I could be, but no, I’m not that person and I’m shocked six months later you still don’t see it. But since you asked,
“Gilbert is the guy that advises me to not jump the gun when you spend a weekend away from home and claim that you’d gone to see your mum except, the first thing your mum says when she calls me is that I should remind you to visit her because she hasn’t seen you in over a year. You see I don’t normally ask you, even though it almost feels like a monthly lie that I should have already calendared but, I guess I’m still so naive I tell myself that it’s a phase…that you’ll snap out of it. It turns out it really is a phase. But not the type that ends and chaos recedes. It’s a phase in a cycle of multiple phases, each one a reminder of how we are both so different even the seriousness with which we hold our marriage vows differs.”
If truly today is about questions then you’d agree with me that you aren’t exactly the best person to be asking questions in this relationship. In fact, if only you tried to be as transparent as I try to be, maybe you’d notice that the same way that my actions are in themselves answers to questions you never have to ask, yours could be too. Except no, you give me more questions than answers it almost feels like I don’t know you anymore. And maybe if you answer these questions honestly I might get a sense of who you’ve become, lover!
Who is Shantel? The cute little girl on your profile picture that you told me is your distant cousin’s baby. You know, cousin Ellaine who has lived her entire in France which is why I never got to meet her. It always struck me as odd how your niece could resemble you so much but hey, I figured because your entire family looks so much like somebody in the family then Shantel could just easily have taken after the same grandparent or great aunt you took after. Well, turns out Shantel is my step daughter. I could ask you if it’s true but your face says I don’t have to ask.
Babe, I love you. More than I have loved anyone else, and I can tell you that I never thought I’d love anyone else, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe one day I will. When I am done healing from all the hurt that you’ve caused me. So before you ask me who the therapist that’s kept me in this marriage, brief as it has been, is, help me understand just how I could allow you to violate my emotions so much. I guess this is where it stops. This is where I stop. I hope you have a good life, and find someone that’ll love you as unreservedly as I have. I know that someone will love me the way I should be loved. Something you will never get to know.
Goodbye…..babe!
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