“Hayibo girl, how do you tell a guy that’s trying to get in your pants about your undying love for your stupid ex? I mean the entire date was a recap of your previous relationship. I hate to always say, but messed up as that relationship was, why do you give it the light of day? How do you go about planting flowers in graveyards? Does it give you this misleading view that you will resurrect what died between you and your ex?
Girl please!!! We grieved that nonsense enough and I personally don’t have the spirit for it anymore. It’s either you sit your ass down and have a conversation with yourself about how you will get over that good for nothing ex of yours, or I’ll force you into a series of dates with my versions of what’s good for you and you won’t have the rights to say no. Make your pick girl…fast!”
I swear Tlali’s words are still as fresh in my head as when she said them a week ago. She’s my best friend but the way she just goes hard on me over my ex sometimes makes me feel like she’s my mum or something. I don’t need policing. I mean she’s right about Tsepang, the douchebag dumped me on my birthday in front of my parents. I got so angry that night I didn’t give him the chance to explain himself. Not that he needed it. Showing up with his ex the day that he dumped me was enough an explanation of why he ended things with me. I hate that girl; at least she’s not as pretty as I am…or as fun. That’s what I tell myself, and yes it’s all lies. Girl is gorgeous. She even has an exquisite afro…argh!!! I hate her. The brat!
So I met Tsepang in college. He was in year four when I started my degree. He isn’t exactly good looking, but I mean, he’s smart and great at everything sports. His smouldering body is a site to behold. He apparently used to have a girlfriend called Tanya who was in year three. The year that I started college she was on attachment so seeing Tsepang without a girl, and not listening to every other voice that was trying to tell me that he wasn’t available, I literally threw myself at him. I attended his games on the weekend, spoilt him to expensive dates because he stayed on campus and I didn’t. I would let him drive my car to wherever he wanted to go with his friends and even though Tlali would blow up my ears with claims that she saw him with a girl in my car one too many times, girl was in love and I brushed it aside. I didn’t even ask him, because when he was with me he made it feel like it was just me and that the other girl that everyone referenced was history. I know that this will sound stupid but I never saw Tsepang on vacations, and he always would tell me before the semester ended that he will be at his farm house and network there is a non-starter so he wouldn’t be using his phone. I offered to drive there and he would tell me that his rather strict parents would have a problem with it because they wanted him to focus on studies and not be distracted by girls.
My stupid ass didn’t even get offended by that reference to me as a distraction. Whatever it is that we were, it didn’t even have a name. Come to think of it he never really called me his girlfriend. So what was I? Yeah well, screw that! I was what I was and I was fine with it. I am lying, I wasn’t fine with it.
That year went so fast. Tsepang passed his finals so he was graduating and yeah, I didn’t know if I would see him as much, if at all. I hoped that I would. You can call me naïve, it is kind of what I was, still might be. Of course I didn’t see him after he graduated. I think he eventually deleted my number or something because I couldn’t see him on WhatsApp, and he blocked my calls. At that time I convinced myself that now that he was back at the farm full time, he wouldn’t have access to network. I should have stopped to think why the messages weren’t just a tick but two blue ticks. Guy clearly was trying to say girl get a life but I wasn’t having it. Any who, that isn’t even what the issue was. My birthday is on December 28 and I asked Tsepang’s best friend to let him know I would be throwing a party and would like him to be there to celebrate my 19th.
I didn’t expect him to pitch up, but he did. He didn’t just pitch up dressed to kill, he came with his gorgeous girlfriend in his hands. Yeah, the one I referred to above as his ex. She was never in the past. They were dating the whole time and that’s just about the time I got clarity over what my role in his life was. I was the girl who borrowed him my car when he needed to go out with his girlfriend. I was the girl that hung out with him when he wasn’t busy on dates with his girlfriend. I was the girl he didn’t have to call, text or see during vacations because I was nothing more than the girl that never asked him questions and therefore taken to understand that we had nothing going on between us as the guy had a girlfriend of three years. And no, these aren’t my words. These are the words he used when I created a scene over the uninvited guest he tagged along to my birthday. In simple terms he may just have called me a nobody in his life.
See why Tlali gets mad at me when instead of allowing other guys to get to know me, potentially date me, I have an unforgivable tendency to talk about whatever it is I create in my head that gives the impression that Tsepang is my ex-boyfriend, and that we had good moments together. I don’t do it because I believe that we did have something mutually fulfilling going on, but I do it because I am trying to keep every other guy out. My experience with Tsepang left me believing that any guy could do the same thing to girls like me that are too naïve to read signs that say ‘you are just someone I know!’ I want to tell Tlali this, but she’ll tell me to let it go and give others a chance to prove themselves different. What if they prove themselves to be just as insensitive? I think I’ll pass…
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