I am so tired you’d think it’s a Friday. How is it still a Monday? I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and I sincerely don’t know how much coffee I have consumed today. I just need to get home, step into a hot shower, eat my favourite pap, vegetables and tripe before bed. Come what may, I am definitely sleeping ten hours today, or else I will crash. Bongile says that I need to slow down, but that’s because she doesn’t have a company to run, and so she won’t understand that unless I put in the hours, things will just fall apart. Yes, I am making excuses for my workaholic tendencies, but that’s the one thing I have control over. It is what I am good at. And maybe that’s not even the reason, because the honest truth is that I am using my work to avoid and deny reality. I shouldn’t have read that message. Sandiso has always hated me. Why did I think it a good idea to even open her message. I hate myself, and that stupid, good-for-nothing boy Thembani.
“Oh my God Zandile, I am not sure you have heard, but that your boyfriend you just put up on your status, he got married to my neighbour’s daughter Kwanele over the weekend. I thought you guys had broken up so I didn’t bother telling you, but now that you just put him up, I am realising the joke is on you girl. I told you about this relationship of yours. It was just too good to be true vele. It was bound to end in tears. Girl, I wish I was sorry but I am not. it’s nice to know that even prettier, intelligent girls with class like you get cheated, almost feels like we are the same right now. Life really is a wheel…one day you are up, and today you are down here with the rest of us. PS: Here’s a picture, incase you doubt me, as you alway do. Ciao!!!”
I have memorised that message and replayed too often in my head. It is driving me crazy. I can’t even sleep at night anymore, or pay attention. My work is a great distraction but I still have these moments where the pain overtakes me all over again. It feels like I was stabbed right through my heart and someone comes back very frequently, to push the knife deep into me. I am not even fighting it, I lost the will power to. I want to die. I can’t face anymore of these eyes that look at me with questions hanging out of them. the messages have been overwhelming me. My friends really want the best for me, texting me to check if I need company, a shoulder, but gosh I can’t get past these negative messages from people trying to get a confirmation of how I was played by Thembani.
Five good years and he went on to marry a girl he met three months ago. A girl he told me was his cousin. I am not okay!
I dated Themba straight out of high school. Young and naive, I made him my world. I came from money, so it didn’t bother me so much that my boyfriend could not afford to spoil me like my friends’ boyfriends pampered them. I could afford our lunch dates and picnics. I shared my airtime and data allowance with him. I shared everything with him. He was my soul mate and that’s just how I treated him- like the other half that I grew up learning my dad was to my mother. When Themba lost his mother three years into our relationship, he was left alone, with no one. I stood by him and with him, like any loving girlfriend should. I loved him in his moments of strengths as much as I did in his weakest points. When I finished university, my parents gave me money to start my own sports consultancy, and I hired Thembani as our legal advisor. He needed the job, and he is good at it. All the while he told me he was saving to buy land, one he would develop and sell so he gets more land. There was never land in the picture, the douchebag was using me to finance the one process that would render him and his girlfriend man and wife. I could just strangle him!
I literally paid that boy the money he used to pay that girl’s lobola. That is the one thing in all this that disgusts me.
But no, I won’t terminate his contract as he expects that I will. I will not even tell him that this baby I am carrying is his first born son. I will let him resign from this job himself. And I will watch him walk away, and raise this child alone. If I could build a man like him, what is a child that I cannot handle on my own. I hate him so much, for not respecting me enough to tell me that he didn’t love me anymore. That is if he ever did. Okay I am thinking too much into this, a couple more paragraphs in the quarterly report and I should forget about him. Even if it’s for a few hours. They say time heals, and that’s what I am giving myself. Time!!! And a solid distraction while at it- my work.
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