Yeah Well!

“Which one is he? The one with a tattoo on his right ear? Or was it the one that wore the red turtleneck and had this weirdish accent? I couldn’t stop laughing when he spoke! Oh wait, I think I remember the guy. He came into the party like when we were about to leave and you told us to spend an hour more. He looked so familiar but I mean there are so many cute guys here. You are a butt lol…..Why didn’t you tell me it was because of a boy? Anyway you guys left together, where did you go? Okay I am sorry for asking too many questions alright. It’s just that you’ve never really been into a guy, like ever, and definitely not a guy you met at a party. You are like super uptight and hate men. Ok! Ok! I am not judging you, I am just dead curious what this guy had that made you dump us and leave with him, especially because you made us wait an hour more at the party. I am coming over to your place, recall we have that burger date with your little sister…….gosh you’d think she’s eyeing somebody at that takeaway spot…..why is she always forcing us to go there? Lol okay, later…”

So yeah, yesterday was Alex’s party. I am not ordinarily the girl you’d find in a party, or anywhere outside the library, my room, the charity I volunteer at, and sometimes, the burger spot. I am what Natalie calls uptight. Well I don’t get the fuss because that’s my normal, I can’t imagine myself happier being anything else. I swear my best friend would call this bull. She’s a total opposite of me, ever since we were in kindergarten. I was the brainy, not so cute, shy one that preferred the swing during break-time because I could just float above the noise of the rest of the kids running around in total chaos. She on the other hand has always been a drama Queen.

 I remember how she’d steal her mother’s red lipstick and then put it on after school when we’d walk home because Jack, the cute boy that stayed between our houses walked with us. How she managed to remove it in time to see her mother open the door for her remains a mystery to me. All I know is that this one time she got so caught up crushing on Jack she forgot to remove the lipstick and her mum was outside watering the flowers. The look on Natalie’s mum’s face was priceless I rolled over our porch with laughter. Natalie was grounded for a whole week……I was so so lonely. Jack on the other hand, brought me sweets, and even a flower during that week. I didn’t understand why he did because he never really brought me and Natalie anything.

Fast forward to the 26 year old me and I am still the girl that prefers her space over parties and boys while my best friend is always on this marathon of parties and clubs. How we are still best friends is also just a mystery to me. I love her like she’s my sister, well the one that’s always in trouble my parents don’t bother with me. So much that I’ve sneaked into the house after school and no one realized I was around until the next Saturday afternoon when my mum was thundering over the phone about how Natalie is messing me up so much I have started to sleep out. I wish I had the guts to sleep out, but what would I be doing? Counting the stars..Ha ha!

And today is that Saturday that I just got off the phone with Natalie. My mum had been so worried about me, and I don’t blame her. I fell asleep on the library couch and she’d never have checked that room. She just saw my bed still freshly done from Friday and assumed I slept somewhere with some good for nothing dude. The things my mum thought I did, and the things I actually ever did are like worlds apart. My little sister is 21, and moved out of the house a year before. She said something about proximity to her workplace but we all know she just needed freedom from my parents. My parents can be……a lot! But I love them anyway.

I wish I had the guts to sleep out, but what would I be doing? Counting the stars..Ha ha!

The guy from the party is Jack. Yes, I mean kindergarten Jack all grown and a whole charm. His parents had moved into the big city when he was in third grade and we literally had not seen him until that night at the party. Well I am the one that recognized him, and that kind of complicates things because Natalie has always had an undying crush on this boy, and no matter how much Jack seemed to be more focused on my obsession with animal books and the planet, I think it didn’t bother me when I was really young that the guy my best friend liked kind of liked me instead. When he came to the party yesterday I was kind of blown away.

He is cute. Like super cute! I just went to confirm it was him but I guess things got a little umm you know, nice, and I forgot to tell him my friends were waiting for me when he asked if we could take a walk. I should have said no, and maybe then he would not have told me how much he has thought of me, and how much he would like to know more about what I have been up too. He didn’t ask about Natalie, and my rather selfish ass didn’t try to bring her into the conversation. Jack said he was in town for a couple of weeks and would like to hang out. Did I say no? I am such a bum.

This will always be me, choosing to walk away even when it hurts because it’s always been easier to deal with my wounds if other people were happier.

Natalie will be here any minute and I am not even sure I look forward to that. This one secret makes me feel like I built our friendship on pretense, well not all of it but this feels like something that can break a bond if it’s not tamed. I love Natalie so much, I guess I just have to tell her the truth. Maybe not the part that I like Jack too. I will just tell her Jack is back in town and would like to hang out, and then I’ll fake a cold so that they just meet as the two of them. This will always be me, choosing to walk away even when it hurts because it’s always been easier to deal with my wounds if other people were happier. I didn’t think I mattered that much, at least to myself and that’s super messed up. (Knock on the door). Gotta go, that should be Natalie.